Its unbelievable how fast this year went by. I am still quite stuck with the idea of 2005. I dunno why. I think it was the best year for me for all reasons. Personal, academic and professional.
This year was different. Dull, sad, tough with very few but important reasons to smile. I think this year was a great learning experience. Year full of heartbreak and healing too. A lot has been gained and so much lost. Many friendships were staked, some lost, handful revived, few made and even lesser survived. This year was a true test of my patience and my faith. Dont know if I won, but I dont feel lost.
This year I broke the trust of my best friend.
This year, I was broke after a humungus shopping experience. Learnt the value of hard earned money especially when I was on study leave and it felt pathetic asking money from Dad after a gap of 2 years.
This year, I trusted people, was lucky to know them, and it died its own death.
How can I forget that this year, I started this blog, thanks to Sushubh.
This year, I was misunderstood and I lost a few friends.
This year, I bought the server space, thereby completely owning this site, thanks to Robins.
This year I drove like crazy from one end of the city to the other balancing my work with studies.
This year, I became a lecturer, something that I aspired for, ever since I started working in 2002.
This year, my dear friend Naresh got married and is presently honeymooning in some cruise 🙂
This year, I fought the most with my sister. Spent a few days without talking to eachother, like complete strangers. They sure were hell. Its a pity that we somehow have grown to accept fights as a regular feature in our relationship. 🙁
This year, my parents were the most patient with me, tolerating my idiocities, my crazy ideas, my irratic schedules, my lows. Giving me company when I was down in dumps. Pampering me silly when I just didnt want to get out. Letting me be, when I was mum. I wont be wrong in saying that they sure are the best Parents in the world. I couldnt have asked for anyone else in their place.
This year, I had faith, had dreams, but then I lost hope. Regained it, gathered some strength but to give it all up again.
This year, I had loads of fun going out with friends, watching movies, drives, good food, drinks. But it all ends with a lull. Doesnt it?
I dont know if you will agree with me but I feel life has become very quiet. Still. Very monotonous. Why does it hurt when life doesnt turn out the way you wish for it to? Why it becomes difficult to smile from within when you have no reasons whatsoever? Why do we run away from holding conversations? Why do we run away from problems hoping for them to go away? Why we cry more often than we smile? Why we keep cribbing and see no solutions?
Is it how it is once you grow up? There is not much to feel happy about? Same faces, maybe different work assignments, but eventually a hollowness from within. Wish to see others happy on personal front. But there remains a greed for something unknown. Greed which cant be satiated and you know it very well. You may lie to others, but not to yourself. What happens when what you really aspired for, or dreamt of, is not what you get? You just cant get it. It cant be yours.
What the hell is going on? Will this dilemma ever end? Will this feeling ever go away? Am I going crazy? Cos I feel I am. Maybe my sis is right. I need therapy.