Its about time

…I stop being serious in life.
…I start being practical
…I stop being emotional
…I start living in reality
…I stop flying in my dreamland
…I start caring a damn

I think I was most happy in school. I cared a damn. I was a total tomboy. I was a guy amongst guys and gal amongst gals. I was great at what I did, and even if I wasnt, I still felt great. Shally was my bestest friend, and here I am, havent even seen her since she got married. I cared two hoots about what others thought of me. I lived my life on my terms, the way I wanted to. The only time recently I felt those feelings again was when I left my job and went for M.Ed. It was crazy and I broke free. I was glad to have found gunjan and ritika there. I am far more glad that they are still just a call away, otherwise life would have been shitty.

samjha ke dekha
behla ke dekha
dil hai ki chain isko aata nahi…

I wish I had learnt some classical dance form when I so wanted to. I wish I hadnt yelled much at guys in the class and could still be a part of the school choir. I wish I could still look forward to the weekend with as much excitement as I did back then in school. I wish grandma was around, I miss those paranthas on chilly sunday mornings while watching chandrakanta and jungle book. I wish vinnie wasnt married and could still be around everyday to bug me despite me hating her for doing so. I wish I hadnt hurt dad so much. I wish I could listen to songs all day. I wish stars didnt play much with my life…

katra katra milti hai
katra katra jeene do
zindagi hai behne do
pyaasi hoon main
pyaasi rehne do

The wish list seems endless… I feel like the kid in the carnival, who is yet to prioritize and make up her mind about what she wants the most in that carnival of life.

tumhe ho na ho mujhko to itna yakeen hai
mujhe pyar tumse nahi hai, nahi hai
magar mene yeh raaz ab tak na jaana
ki kyon pyaari lagti hai baatein tumhari
main kyon tumse milne ka dhoondun bahana
kabhi maine chaha tumhe choo ke dekhun
kabhi maine chaha tumhe paas lana
magar phir bhi is baat ka to yakeen hai
mujhe pyar tumse nahi hai…

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