Bored Beyond Belief !!

Onboard flight – 9W2306, 7th June 2008.

I was never destined to be a teacher trainer. It happened by chance. A sweet twist of fate, an unwished destiny. In fact I feel I have hardly made choices in my life. Things have just happened and I chose to go with the flow.

The reason I did B.Com (H) – Vinnie did it and it seemed the obvious route for a commerce student
B.Ed – 2 months vacation and fewer working hours
M.Com- Something to study while I started with my first job, and a masters degree looked yumm
M.Ed – Next obvious degree.
M.Phil – To get promoted
and so on…

I ve never been like the kind of teachers that I had. I broke the mould from the very beginning, which often made the people around me feel that I wasn’t cut for the job. I mingled with my students. I refused to follow the trend of dictating notes. I treated them as adults and they too had the right to raise voice.

Getting to teach the most feared subject (Philosophy in Education) really helped me figure out a way to teach like the teachers I admired back in college and yet bring in the qualities I so wanted them to have aswell.

Initially it was a great pain. Required a lot of homework and preparation on my part. Gradually I made my way and drew analogies from movies to explain the content and broke the content in flowcharts to make it more comprehendible. End result- Students loved my class, the subject and I derived some strange thrill out of the whole ordeal.

There is nothing more satisfying than coming out of a class where your students feel a “Wow” on the way the concept was explained and you feel great that you’ve somehow made a difference to their lives.

Yesterday was my last day at work. And probably the last time I went in a class to train teachers to be. I used the same teaching aids that I had prepared when I was a teacher trainee. And now they finally rest in peace in the dustbin after their fruitful service of 5 years.

Can’t say about my students, but I feel truly delighted by this journey.

When I was lonely, he became my friend
in those dark nights, he was there till the end
There was so much to know, so much to learn
and when it came to resting, we were taking turns
then one night he made me sing
we had no clue what that beginning would bring
anticipation, expectation, such a surprise was instore
on the D-day, we were left asking for more
we hit a hattrick in the very beginning
and its euphoria left us both grinning
was it me longing for someone
or overvaluing that presence of someone
that only time could tell…..

Oh it was lovely, felt so true
with each passing day our fondness grew
a rollercoaster ride could be put to a shame
it would be ‘fun’, initially he did claim
see-saw it seems for long we played
the more we got, the more we craved
When I was low he pulled me up
when he went down, I did show up
I became his lady, he became my man
soon our little love story began
that touch, that smile, that breath was mine
everything he did for me was a bright sunshine
I lit his world, and he glowed in mine
sooner than later we did cross the line

We were happy, thankfully not gay
no matter what time it was, we had so much to say
we giggled, we shared some pathetick jokes
we were painting our lives with varied strokes
we bared our souls to know it all
planned to hang some memories on the wall
he held my hand once on the street
life was bliss, we felt complete

Everything seemed perfect until one day
a storm began, while our house was of clay
we were clueless, werent yet ready
we were beginning to lose strength already
fear and anger were bringing it all down
our story was the talk of the town
he gave up, gave up so soon
while I kept harping our love tune
He needed me and I stood by
what we had built, couldnt just let it die

When love triumphed, what followed was guilt
soon indecisiveness made the balance tilt
I did blunders and he forgot to forgive
Something I would regret as long as I live
voices went down and silence crept in
love was struggling for survival deep within
what was right and what was wrong
the questioning kept growing more strong

I was trying to save as much as I could
Insecurity definitely didnt do any good
so blinded by love, oh yes I was
wanted to do what anyone in love does
persist and wait for the tide to change
my ways, my words he did find strange

one and two the days went by
matching my pace, oh he did try
slowly and gradually we lost love
lost trust, lost faith, and
feelings that he started to shove
its unfair for me to question his stand
I had pushed him to the no-man’s land
I always wanted to see him happy and gay
what I so wished for him, was what I took away

we wanted to walk till the end
but on the way I lost my dear friend
in life you gain some, you lose some
my heart still beats but is now numb
I keep praying and hoping against hope
even while I m going straight down the slope
destiny is what we did try and mould
here’s a true story thats never really been told.

Didn’t they say that I would make a mistake
Didn’t they say you were gonna be trouble
People told me you were too much to take
I couldn’t see it, I didn’t want to know

I let you in, and you let me down
You messed me up and you turned my life around
Left me feeling I had nowhere to go
I was alone how was I to know that

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why’d it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

Who’d believe that after all we’ve been through
I’d be able to put my trust in you
Goes to show you can forgive and forget
Looking back I have no regrets cause

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help me

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why’d it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help me

- OST Bean, the movie

Sued for being emotional !

Guilty as charged.

Aapko bhool jaye hum itne to bewafa nahi
aapse kya gila kare aap se kuch gila nahi

sheesha yeh dil ko todna unka to ek khel hai
humse hi bhool ho gayi unki koi khata nahi

kaash woh apne ghum mujhe dete to kuch sukoon mile
woh kitna badnaseeb hai ghum bhi jisse mila nahi

jurm hai agar wafa to kya kyon main wafa ko chod doon
kehte hai is gunah ki hoti koi saza nahi

aapse kya gila kare aap se kuch gila nahi
aapko bhool jaye hum itne to bewafa nahi…

Apne chehre se jo zahir hai chupaye kaise
teri marzi ke mutabik nazar aaye kaise

ghar sajaane ka tassavur to bahut baad ka hai
pehle yeh tay ho ki is ghar ko bachaye kaise

kehkaha aankh ka bartaav badal deta hai
hasne waale tujhe aansu nazar aaye kaise

koi apni nazar se jo humein dekhega
ek katre ko samandar nazar aaye kaise

Apne chehre se jo zahir hai chupaye kaise
teri marzi ke mutabik nazar aaye kaise

Mohabbat ki roshni mein gham ke andhere kyon aate hai
hum jinhe chahte hai wahi humein kyon rulaate hai?

You are not what you pretend to be.
You dont believe in what you are doing.
You do what you dont believe in
You cant get what you want
You get what you didnt ask for

And to top it all you dont know what you’re doing and how long this phase will last.

Manwa mein meri aandhi hai uthi
par stabhdh khadi hun main
sanson mein baandh apni hi saans
nishabd khadi hoon main
duniya se jeet jeeti khud se haar
bas dhwast khadi hun main
aaina main aur aks main
madhmast khadi hun main

Laaga chunari mein daag chupaoon kaise
laaga chunari mein daag
chunari mein daag chupaoon kaise
ghar ja-oon kaise
laaga chunari mein daag

Cham cham cham cham cham jhan jhawaat
antar mein goonje diwas raat
ek shoonya shoonya tapti vishal
maaya ka madhyam mantra jaal
mann ki dasha se ladti main phirti
vishwast khadi hoon main
meri laaj main hoon,
chunar bhi main hoon,
chunar pe daag bhi main

ho gayi maili mori chunariya
kore badan si kori chunariya
jaake babul se nazre mila-oon kaise
ghar ja-oon kaise
laaga chunari mein daag
chupaoon kaise
laaga chunari mein daag chupaoon kaise

main dhwast dhwast main nasht bhasm
main saral virral main ati vishisht
hain shyam shwet badal mere
nirjhar si jhari hoon main
andhiyari raat deepak ki baati
swapnil si khadi hoon main
kanchan ki kaya apna hi saaya
bas unse darri hoon main
lakdi main geeli thodi seeli seeli
thak thak ke jali hoon main
main maaya maaya
main chhaaya chhaya
aatma aur kaaya main
nistabdh khadi hoon main
nishabd khadi hoon main
vishwast khadi hoon main
sarvadra khadi hoon main

Puneet: Past is ancient history
Me: but it still haunts !

God has a strange sense of humour. He ensures that I remember the stuff I so wish to forget. I wasnt wrong afterall.

So feel like singing right now….

tere mere milan ki yeh raina
naya koi gul khilayegi
tabhi to chanchal hai tere naina
dekho na… dekho na