Bored Beyond Belief !!

Its been a while since I wrote anything. A lot has happened in the past couple of days. Life has changed tremendously.

Last month this time I was anxious about the uncertain future. Today, I have a somewhat certain future. Got engaged this month and am scheduled to wed the next. Strange are the ways of life. Earlier the clock was ticking. Now I feel its running, not that I am complaining.

The experience of the euphoric feeling for the past couple of days was so exhilarating that today seems quite alien to me. Today I am back to my introspection mode…

I often feel that there is more to me than what people see. I also feel that there is more to me than what I am aware of. The days I am blank are bliss. The days where I dont even get the time to sit and think how the day went by. The days when life just passes by… with the emotion overpowering me.

I just saw “Into the wild”, that pretty much explains the mood I am in right now. I feel there is a side of me that totally relates to Chris. A side of me that questions this world, its existence, the reason behind it and the sheer possibility of it being capable of being explained. These are the times I am quiet. These are the times when silence seems beautiful. These are the times when only thoughts exist. These are the times when I simply float in them. These are the times when I dont reach out for the phone to call…

The fragility of crystal is not its weakness, but its character.

I had so many posts lying in my drafts, which were getting just way too much. So I decided it was cleanup time !

It was time I got rid of them. Deleted a few and published a few. I feel so good looking at the neater write post page with just 2 drafts left.

yey !!

The post is titled so, cos for long its been in the draft with just that title, as I never gave it any. So for a change I thought I’d just let it be that way.

The more selfless it is, the easier it is to feel ‘truly’ good about letting it all go…

I think aloud
I speak my mind
I dont think and speak
I love and let it be known
I dont manipulate in relationships
I dont hide stuff
I am more concerned about the person I love than my own self
I get angry and blabber
I change myself for the person I love
I accept my mistakes
I say sorry and mean it
I persist
I dont have an ego
I dont believe in religion
I believe in working on the problems
I try till I lose
I dont give up easily
I am a hogger for love
I forgive easily
I dont forget ( life would be so damn easy with the absence of this one little thing!!)
I need clarity
I look for reasons
I search for answers
I let people become the center of my happiness
I let people believe I dont have a center of happiness within
I talk a lot
I be myself
I cant have a two face
I believe in complete transparency in relationships

Owning up the responsibility… whatever maybe the consequence have the spine to accept it as your choice !

Dont lie to yourself

dont manipulate

be what you are

Dont regret the good that you did, despite the fact it wasnt treated well

Be a man in this man’s world

Be honest, open and clear of what you think

Take your own decisions and stick to them

and finally….Have faith!!

Awesome dialogue…

jo admi na pyar kar sake na pyar samajh sake usse zyada badnaseeb koi nahi

My dad has been the most forgiving person whom I have met in this lifetime.

I say so not cos he is my dad , but cos I know the amount and height of mistakes and blunders that I have done and the way and ease with which he has forgiven it all and still loved me and taken me in his arms.

If only we could be as forgiving…

When I was lonely, he became my friend
in those dark nights, he was there till the end
There was so much to know, so much to learn
and when it came to resting, we were taking turns
then one night he made me sing
we had no clue what that beginning would bring
anticipation, expectation, such a surprise was instore
on the D-day, we were left asking for more
we hit a hattrick in the very beginning
and its euphoria left us both grinning
was it me longing for someone
or overvaluing that presence of someone
that only time could tell…..

Oh it was lovely, felt so true
with each passing day our fondness grew
a rollercoaster ride could be put to a shame
it would be ‘fun’, initially he did claim
see-saw it seems for long we played
the more we got, the more we craved
When I was low he pulled me up
when he went down, I did show up
I became his lady, he became my man
soon our little love story began
that touch, that smile, that breath was mine
everything he did for me was a bright sunshine
I lit his world, and he glowed in mine
sooner than later we did cross the line

We were happy, thankfully not gay
no matter what time it was, we had so much to say
we giggled, we shared some pathetick jokes
we were painting our lives with varied strokes
we bared our souls to know it all
planned to hang some memories on the wall
he held my hand once on the street
life was bliss, we felt complete

Everything seemed perfect until one day
a storm began, while our house was of clay
we were clueless, werent yet ready
we were beginning to lose strength already
fear and anger were bringing it all down
our story was the talk of the town
he gave up, gave up so soon
while I kept harping our love tune
He needed me and I stood by
what we had built, couldnt just let it die

When love triumphed, what followed was guilt
soon indecisiveness made the balance tilt
I did blunders and he forgot to forgive
Something I would regret as long as I live
voices went down and silence crept in
love was struggling for survival deep within
what was right and what was wrong
the questioning kept growing more strong

I was trying to save as much as I could
Insecurity definitely didnt do any good
so blinded by love, oh yes I was
wanted to do what anyone in love does
persist and wait for the tide to change
my ways, my words he did find strange

one and two the days went by
matching my pace, oh he did try
slowly and gradually we lost love
lost trust, lost faith, and
feelings that he started to shove
its unfair for me to question his stand
I had pushed him to the no-man’s land
I always wanted to see him happy and gay
what I so wished for him, was what I took away

we wanted to walk till the end
but on the way I lost my dear friend
in life you gain some, you lose some
my heart still beats but is now numb
I keep praying and hoping against hope
even while I m going straight down the slope
destiny is what we did try and mould
here’s a true story thats never really been told.

Didn’t they say that I would make a mistake
Didn’t they say you were gonna be trouble
People told me you were too much to take
I couldn’t see it, I didn’t want to know

I let you in, and you let me down
You messed me up and you turned my life around
Left me feeling I had nowhere to go
I was alone how was I to know that

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why’d it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

Who’d believe that after all we’ve been through
I’d be able to put my trust in you
Goes to show you can forgive and forget
Looking back I have no regrets cause

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help me

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why’d it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

You would be there when I needed somebody
You would be there the only one could help me

- OST Bean, the movie

Sued for being emotional !

Guilty as charged.